It’s an honor to reflect on an issue that touches the lives of countless women and families around the world—maternal mental health.
This conversation isn’t always easy to have, and yet your presence—whether you’re reading this from your desk, your car in between errands, or the quiet of a late night—is a testament to your care and courage. Thank you.
Rather than listing statistics, I invite you to consider the people behind them. Behind each number is someone’s sister, daughter, best friend, or partner. It may even be you. Or someone sitting quietly beside you in your life.
Too often, the journey of motherhood is shaped by cultural expectations that define it as serene, joyful, and filled with unconditional love. And while those moments certainly exist, for many, they coexist with something much more complex: deep physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion.
To truly honor mothers, we must be willing to name that reality.
A Picture of Exhaustion
Imagine a baby crying in their crib. Maybe they’re hungry, or need to be changed, or simply want to be held.
Just down the hall, their mother is curled up on the bathroom floor. Silent tears fall as she feels overwhelmed, disconnected, and alone.
Pause here for a moment. What does your heart feel? What does your body say? What do you want to do?
Many of us—conditioned by societal norms—may instinctively think:
- My heart is with the baby.
- My body tells me to pick up and comfort the baby.
- I want to say: What’s wrong with the mother? She needs to care for her child.
But let’s look closer.
Reframing Sacrifice
In my clinical work, a recurring theme among mothers is sacrifice—the idea that good motherhood means putting aside all personal needs in service of your child.
While there’s beauty in sacrificial love, we must question the mindset that it’s all-or-nothing. Society often pushes an either/or model:
- Either you give everything to your child,
- Or you’re selfish.
But what if we shifted to a both/and mindset?
- You can care deeply for your child and care for yourself.
- You can be present for your family and protect your passions, relationships, and health.
When mothers only give without replenishment, they begin to feel unrecognizable to themselves. I often hear: “I don’t know who I am outside of motherhood.”
It’s like expecting a garden to keep blooming without water, sunlight, or care. Eventually, it will have nothing left to give.
The Mother-Baby Connection
This isn’t just about the mother—it’s also about the baby.
In infancy, our emotional regulation is co-created with our caregivers. When a mother is experiencing anxiety, depression, or trauma, her baby may absorb and mirror that dysregulation.
So, when we support mothers, we’re also supporting their children. To embrace mothers with compassion is to embrace babies with compassion. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.
Gathering Kindness in Clinical Work
In my office, tucked between clinical notes and cups of reheated tea, I keep a book. Inside it are reflections—brief scribbles between sessions—capturing the voices of mothers I’ve worked with (without identifying information).
They’re imperfectly written, but powerfully meaningful. These stories speak of:
- Emotional healing
- Increased self-awareness and strength
- Affirmation of worth and belonging
- And perhaps most importantly, restored hope and purpose
Therapy sessions are brief—often just a few hours a month. The real transformation happens in between. In those unseen moments when mothers advocate for themselves, set boundaries, nurture their relationships, or rediscover old hobbies and dreams.
That’s not sacrifice. That’s self-compassion. And both mothers and their children benefit from it.
From Scarcity to Abundance
This is the true power of a both/and mindset:
A mother who reclaims her identity doesn’t become less of a mother—she becomes more whole, more grounded, and more abundant.
She is not scarce.
She is not broken.
She is not alone.
She is becoming—again and again—with each step in her journey through motherhood and beyond.
If you or someone you love is navigating the challenges of pregnancy, postpartum, or motherhood, know that support is here. We welcome you to reach out, explore resources, or simply begin by sharing this message — Connect with us.
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